chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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