I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
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