I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
