I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
