so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
How does it feel to date your dad?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
