Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You are a booty call, not a friend.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
