I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
