Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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