My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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