Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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