Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
