this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize