Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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