if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
