i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
