Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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