woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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