My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
