Your mouth is God's brothel.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
