I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
