The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
