Your tits are I can't wait for
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
