Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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