I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
