at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
