I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
