I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
