dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
