So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
