That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
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He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
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You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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