you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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