worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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