just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
