Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
