2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
