Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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