Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
