If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
