I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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