is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
