he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
