Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.