girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?