That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
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Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
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what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
My feet surprised me
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess