i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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