dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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