When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
