she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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