i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
