He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
