Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
