hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
