Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
