Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
