I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
