I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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