guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
