how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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