I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
