she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
