That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
