Ambien. No doubt about it.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
