You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Randomize
