Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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