finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
