At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
