Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
