i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i think i have herpe
just one?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
