The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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