can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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