Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
As shirtless as possible
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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