Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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