He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
