the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
My penis needs a shock collar
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
