i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
