last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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