If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
why do cheetos always look like penises
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
