How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Houston, we have a blender
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
