I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
