is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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