The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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