I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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