I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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