Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Can I color on your dick again?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
