His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
only if we run a train.
done.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
