that's what penises do
they tell lies.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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